


Ingredients

by GinaMartinsGhost (Kalise_Skywalker)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, The 100 (TV) Season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23764432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalise_Skywalker/pseuds/GinaMartinsGhost
Summary: Canon thru the end of Season 3. An alternate universe Season 4 short scene.Bellamy has been on a mission with the Adventure Squad along with Roan and other grounders looking for the illusive 4% of the earth that will be survivable according to A.L.I.E. On their final scouting mission, Roan and Bellamy split from the rest of the group to sneak into a particularly dangerous portion of Azgeda territory. They stop at small Ice Nation cantina to wait out an impending snowstorm. As they sit across from each other, Roan and Bellamy realize they have more in common than they thought possible.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Roan, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Ingredients

**Author's Note:**

> The dialogue is lifted almost completely from a scene in Daredevil Season 2 between Karen Page and Frank Castle. I've always loved it and felt like it matched perfectly with Bellarke.

“Don’t do anything stupid with that, Skaiboy.” Roan grumbles taking a drink and pointing to the gun lying on Bellamy’s thigh. 

“You seem surprised that I brought a gun in here.” Bellamy says through a confident smile. 

Roan laughs. “The only thing that surprises me is that you haven’t shot me with it yet.” 

“Still early.” He replies gruffly downing his own drink. 

“Can I ask why you didn’t kill me?” Roan asks seriously. “From what I know of you, you aren’t usually merciful to my kind.” 

Bellamy gulps down another glass of what must pass for grounder alcohol and tries not to gag. It tastes even worse than Monty’s early attempts at moonshine using latrine parts. “I don’t know honestly, but I’m suddenly regretting that decision.” 

Roan just laughs again and starts to stare out into the distance. A third round of drinks appears in front of them. Both of them take it in silence. 

The alcohol is now starting to burn away at Bellamy’s stomach and his mental walls. For some reason, he feels like he needs to explain himself. “I don’t like you, and ultimately I believe you probably would kill me if I gave you the chance. But, you’re honest. You’ve never lied to us.” 

More liquid is poured into Bellamy’s empty glass. This time, he slams his drink back. He’s starting to get used to the taste. 

“Does she?” Roan asks with a raised eyebrow. 

Bellamy chokes. “Who?” 

“C’mon. Let’s not do that. Not after all we’ve been through.” Roan looks at him angrily, then speaks again. “Wanheda...Clarke.”

Bellamy just stares at Roan for a few seconds not really sure what to say. He resists the urge to get up and leave, which is what he knows he should do. But, maybe it’s the alcohol, or the fact that they were probably all going to die soon, or maybe it’s the way Roan was looking at him. Smug. Instead of leaving, he furrows his brow and searches Roan’s face before finally answering the question truthfully. “Um. Yea...yea. We’ve got our issues. It’s complicated, like most people. Hard person to figure out. I just think that…” 

Roan interrupts him mid sentence. “You love her, right?” 

Bellamy dismisses him and chuckles. “You can’t know that.” 

“I’m sorry? I can’t know what?” Roan says with his eyes fixed on Bellamy’s own. He’s not backing down.

“You can’t,” Bellamy whispers. “Can you?”

Roan coughs out another laugh. “I’ve known since we were in that subway, even with my sword at your throat. It was all over your face. You can’t hide that. You love her.” He says confidently before turning to an older woman behind the bar and motioning for more alcohol. 

Bellamy drops his gaze to his empty cup and remembers when he saw Clarke in that subway hands tied and gagged. He remembers the way she looked at him and mumbled his name.  **_I’ll do anything. I’ll stop fighting. Just please don’t kill him._ ** What he remembers the most is how he felt when he woke up and she was gone. How it made him feel. Bellamy closes his eyes and pushes the memory from his mind. Then he looks up finally and locks eyes with Roan. 

“I might have feelings for Clarke, but it's just...it's a swirl. It's a lot of things,” with that he stops, trying to find the right words. He knows they don’t exist. “Like ingredients. It’s not love...love.” The words catch in this throat. He hopes Roan can't tell. 

Roan smiles and turns to the woman who is filling up their drinks. “Can I ask you something? Do you always serve bullshit here or is it just this guy?” The woman gives them both a crooked smile, says something Bellamy can't understand while shaking her head, and walks away. “I’m sorry you were saying?” Roan continues clearly unconvinced. 

Bellamy is completely disoriented now. His emotions and his stomach are threatening to spill out. He immediately regrets drinking so much. He stares at his cup and tries to compose herself. Roan was wrong. Clarke was Clarke. Of course he loved her, but he wasn’t in love with her...Was he? Maybe it had crossed his mind in the past. At the supply depot. **_You can't run_.** Sitting under a tree. ** _You're forgiven_. **Before their friends were taken. **_I want you to say that you’re with us_.** Before she sent him away. **_It's worth the risk_.** Before Lexa betrayed them. ** _You came through. I knew you would_.** Before they irradiated Mount Weather. _**Together.**_ Before she left him. _**May we meet again.**_ Before Azgeda destroyed Mount Weather. **_I’m going to get you out of here_.** Before Gina died. _**I’m sorry for leaving.**_ Before Clarke stayed in Polis. _**You need me?**_ _ **You left me.**_ Before he walked into that field. _**This is who I’ve always been.**_ Before he lost himself. **_Believe it or not, I am doing this for your own good._ **Before Lincoln was murdered. _**Maybe there are no good guys.**_ Before ALIE tried to kill them all. **Y _ou know you're not the only one trying to forgive yourself._ **Before they knew the world was ending. _**I trust you.**_ But not now. Not as the people they were today, and not after how much they had hurt each other. Right? He thought he knew the answer, but the alcohol is making him dizzy and making him want to say things he knows he shouldn’t say. He’s never talked about Clarke like this with anyone. Not even Lincoln. 

Finally, he chooses his words carefully. “She hurts people. She damages them. Breaks them if she needs to. We both do.”

Roan leans in over the table. “I’m sorry is that supposed to mean something?” 

“So, even if...we just...we aren't good for each other.” Bellamy fires back.

At this, Roan sits back again and for the first time takes his eyes off Bellamy. 

“Is that right?” He starts. “Look, I know you don't trust me, so this might not mean much, but that could be the craziest, most batshit thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” Roan sits forward again, and Bellamy can tell he’s getting agitated. “People that can hurt you, the ones that can really hurt you, are the ones that are close enough to do it. People that get inside you and tear you apart and make you feel like you’re never going to recover.” 

He had that part right. He did feel like he would never recover. Right now, he was just an open gaping wound. At the same time, he knew she was the only one that could stitch him back up, like always.  _ Together. _

Roan downs another drink. “Shit. I would chop my arm off right here just to feel that one more time from my wife. She didn’t just break my heart. She’d rip it out. She’d tear it apart. She’d step on that shit and feed it to the wolves. I mean she was ruthless. She brought the pain, but she’ll never hurt me again.” Roan says angrily. 

Bellamy started to think about the mission they were on, and how he may never see Clarke again. What if what he said to her before they left was the last thing he’d ever get to say. He tried to remember what it was, but his mind was just a haze of alcohol and emotion. 

“You see I’ll never feel that, again.” Roan’s face changes as he says these words. Gone is the bravado and the anger. All he can see is sadness. 

“You sit here and you’re all confused about this thing, but you have it.” He almost whispers to Bellamy. “You have everything. So hold onto it. Use two hands and never let go. You got it?“ 

Bellamy nods and stares back at his cup. He thinks back to the Throne Room and Clarke reaching for his hand. _Never let go._

“Snow stopped.” Roan says as his face hardens again. "Let's keep moving." 


End file.
